DANGER: ABUSE AHEAD

So, you guys know the point of this website is to bring awareness to Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) and that starts with knowing some of the signs that will bring up that red flag. The good news: there are definite danger sings someone is an abuser before he ever raises a fist — and they start with you just having a funny feeling in your pit of your stomach. 

Some early warning signs include:

 1. Pushes for quick involvement.

  • This person will come on incredibly strong. You get pressured for an exclusive commitment almost immediately.

  “I’ve never felt loved like this before by anyone.”

“We should move in together.” – 6 months or less time of dating.

2. Unrealistic Expectations  

  • They will rely on you for all their needs.
  • Expects you to be perfect.

“You’re all I need and I’m all you need.”

3. Controlling Behavior

  • Tells you how to dress even if you didn’t ask for advice.
  • Accuses you of not being able to make good decisions.
  • Becomes extremely worried or angry when you are late. (the reaction will be much more explosive.)
  • Constantly questions who you spent time with, what you’re wearing, what you did or said. (The questions will be much more accusatory.)
  • Insists you check in all the time.
  • Monitors your phone or email.
  • Makes you ask permission to do anything. (Cut your hair, go out with friends, go see family, etc. This will part of the isolation process)

4. Jealousy

  • Wants to be with you always.
  • Constantly accuses you of cheating.
  • Follows you around or calls.
  • Other strange behaviors which include checking your car mileage or having your friends check in on you.

5. Isolation

  • Tries to cut off all your resources.
  • Puts down everyone you know: says friends are stupid, promiscuous, or accuses you of cheating with them; says family is too controlling, they don’t really love you, or you are too dependent on them.
  • Refuses to let you use car or talk on the phone.
  • Makes it difficult for you to go to school or work.


6. Blames others for problems

  • If there are problems at school or work, it is always someone else’s fault.
  • You’re at fault for everything that goes wrong in the relationship.

7. Blames others for feelings

  • Makes you responsible for how they feel:

“You made me angry.”  

“You’re hurting me by not doing what I ask.” 

“I wouldn’t get upset if you wouldn’t do this.” 

“You control how I feel.” 

8.  Hypersensitivity

  • Easily insulted.
  • Sees everything as a personal attack.
  • Looks for fights.
  • Blows things out of proportion.
  • Has a tantrum about the injustice of things that happen to them.

9. Disrespectful or cruel to others

  • Punishes children or animals cruelly.
  • Insensitive to pain and suffering.
  • Teases children until they cry.
  • Doesn’t treat others with respect.

10. Expects control during sex

  • Little concern over whether you want sex or not, & uses sulking or anger to manipulate you into compliance.
  • Makes sexual or degrading jokes about you.

11.Rigid sex roles

  • Believes women are inferior to men or vice versa.
  • Unable to be a whole person without a relationship.

12. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

  • Sudden mood changes like the person has two different personalities.
  • One minute nice and the next exploding
  • One minute happy and the next sad.

13.Past battering

  • You may hear the person was abusive to someone else they were in a relationship with, they may deny it saying it is a lie or their ex is crazy/it wasn’t that bad.

14. Breaking or striking objects

  • Used as punishment
  • Breaks cherished possessions
  • May beat on tables with fist
  • Throws objects at/around/or near you

15. Any force during an argument

  • Physically restrains you from leaving the room
  • Pushes or shoves you
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