So, you guys know the point of this website is to bring awareness to Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) and that starts with knowing some of the signs that will bring up that red flag. The good news: there are definite danger sings someone is an abuser before he ever raises a fist — and they start with you just having a funny feeling in your pit of your stomach. 

Some early warning signs include:

 1. Pushes for quick involvement.

  • This person will come on incredibly strong. You get pressured for an exclusive commitment almost immediately.

  “I’ve never felt loved like this before by anyone.”

“We should move in together.” – 6 months or less time of dating.

2. Unrealistic Expectations  

  • They will rely on you for all their needs.
  • Expects you to be perfect.

“You’re all I need and I’m all you need.”

3. Controlling Behavior

  • Tells you how to dress even if you didn’t ask for advice.
  • Accuses you of not being able to make good decisions.
  • Becomes extremely worried or angry when you are late. (the reaction will be much more explosive.)
  • Constantly questions who you spent time with, what you’re wearing, what you did or said. (The questions will be much more accusatory.)
  • Insists you check in all the time.
  • Monitors your phone or email.
  • Makes you ask permission to do anything. (Cut your hair, go out with friends, go see family, etc. This will part of the isolation process)

4. Jealousy

  • Wants to be with you always.
  • Constantly accuses you of cheating.
  • Follows you around or calls.
  • Other strange behaviors which include checking your car mileage or having your friends check in on you.

5. Isolation

  • Tries to cut off all your resources.
  • Puts down everyone you know: says friends are stupid, promiscuous, or accuses you of cheating with them; says family is too controlling, they don’t really love you, or you are too dependent on them.
  • Refuses to let you use car or talk on the phone.
  • Makes it difficult for you to go to school or work.

6. Blames others for problems

  • If there are problems at school or work, it is always someone else’s fault.
  • You’re at fault for everything that goes wrong in the relationship.

7. Blames others for feelings

  • Makes you responsible for how they feel:

“You made me angry.”  

“You’re hurting me by not doing what I ask.” 

“I wouldn’t get upset if you wouldn’t do this.” 

“You control how I feel.” 

8.  Hypersensitivity

  • Easily insulted.
  • Sees everything as a personal attack.
  • Looks for fights.
  • Blows things out of proportion.
  • Has a tantrum about the injustice of things that happen to them.

9. Disrespectful or cruel to others

  • Punishes children or animals cruelly.
  • Insensitive to pain and suffering.
  • Teases children until they cry.
  • Doesn’t treat others with respect.

10. Expects control during sex

  • Little concern over whether you want sex or not, & uses sulking or anger to manipulate you into compliance.
  • Makes sexual or degrading jokes about you.

11.Rigid sex roles

  • Believes women are inferior to men or vice versa.
  • Unable to be a whole person without a relationship.

12. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

  • Sudden mood changes like the person has two different personalities.
  • One minute nice and the next exploding
  • One minute happy and the next sad.

13.Past battering

  • You may hear the person was abusive to someone else they were in a relationship with, they may deny it saying it is a lie or their ex is crazy/it wasn’t that bad.

14. Breaking or striking objects

  • Used as punishment
  • Breaks cherished possessions
  • May beat on tables with fist
  • Throws objects at/around/or near you

15. Any force during an argument

  • Physically restrains you from leaving the room
  • Pushes or shoves you

Wise Words

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness. We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We’ve learned how to make a living, but not a life. We’ve added years to life not life to years. We’ve been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We’ve done larger things, but not better things. We’ve cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We’ve conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We’ve learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less. These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete. Remember to spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever. Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side. Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn’t cost a cent. Remember, to say, ‘I love you’ to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you. Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind. And always remember, life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by those moments that take our breath away.